She lies still in her bed, alone. She stares into the darkness, and sees the never ending, almost invisible spirals that seem to envelop her every moment.
When she's asleep she dreams about being bound, gagged and tortured by an unseen enemy, a foe that takes sadistic pleasure in her despair. She prays this is a dream, and she secretly thinks it isn't. She is afraid of herself. A part of her is terrified witless of the pain that can maim her, disfigure her, break her. Then there's that part of her that is anticipating the pain, almost joyously.
Lying in her lonely, cold bed she wishes for someone who will protect her; lie with her, shield her, hold her, nurture her. Maybe love her?
She feels the emptiness inside her, a deep, dark, emotional abyss that has a pull of great magnitude, a gravity of its own; which is pulling her in, step by tiny step, inch by single inch. She is terrified of falling in and drowning. She thrashes against the demons that only she can see. She pushes and pulls at the restraints that bind her. She cant break free, oh god, she cant even loosen them. She starts to panic, her heart thudding in her chest, her heartbeat so loud in her ears, thud-thud thud-thud thud-thud THUD-THUD. She can feel her skin burning, her soul being scorched out of her body.
She opens her mouth to scream but her jaws are locked together, the blood curdling screams swallowed and not a sound escapes. She helplessly watches herself disappear into ashes even as she struggles to hold on to something. Her nails digging into her palms with a force so great it rends her flesh apart. Blood oozes from her self inflicted wounds but she hardly notices. Her head starts to pound, her heart is beating a tattoo against her chest, her blood is rushing around her body, waiting to be set free, to flow free.
Helpless, she closes her eyes and gives in, her tormented soul, keening.
She writhes and twists. She weeps copious tears.
She hopes to be rescued. But her hopes drain away, with time.
Like blood from a sliced wrist, it slowly ebbs out of her, painfully. Dulling her mind, numbing her body, glazing her eyes.
She mourns herself. She knows there is no one to mourn her.
She then waits for the free fall to end.
For life to finally desert her, in every way she could've imagined and more.
Her cold sweat leaves her shivering. Her mind too tired to understand terror anymore, simply shuts down. There's no more feeling, no more pain, no more relief.
There's just an eerie silence, and a bone deep exhaustion.
