Simple sources of Joy

I am travelling. Again! Yay!
(Only if I could put in an appropriate smiley for my excitement here!!)

So, I am off to Kerala. The winters in Delhi were annoying me. So I went from five degrees and freezing winds to a warm and toasty 26 degrees and beautiful sea breeze.

I am blogging from the plane. I just couldn't resist. Its the joy you see. Even though, like Sheldon Cooper I am a total train person, I have to admit, planes have their plus points.

I couldn't take my eyes off the horizon. The beautiful light scattering across the clouds. Its spellbinding. Mesmerizing. Almost criminally beautiful.
That's one reason why I love trains. The constant scenes that pass you by thrill me.

I am like a toddler with a new toy when I'm travelling. I refuse to look away from the window, lest I miss something life-altering. I almost looked away and I almost missed the beauty of witnessing lightening and thunder up close, at level with it. It was ... oh my God I don't even know what word will suffice.

I love looking down at the lights shimmering. The traffic that annoys us when we are in it is so beautiful when we are up in the air.
The streetlights are so twinkle-y! Who'd have thought!
I know it seems like its my first time in a plane, but its not.

I am just amazed at the beauty we have all around us that goes unappreciated.

Look around. Life's beautiful. The world's beautiful. And there are really tiny, simple, uncomplicated sources of joy at every turn. Look at em. Smile. Laugh. Appreciate.
Live! Love!

My everyday struggles

Every time I forget what I am, I look in the mirror. I see my face, tired and upset, looking back at me. And still I can't remember what I am. Now, don't confuse the Who and the What. WHO is the general information that can be used to fill in a death certificate. WHAT is the part that people might remember me for after the said death certificate. Now if I can't really remember what I am, Is it amnesia? Or simply a refusal to put up with personal stagnation?

There are things that remind me. That make me feel alive. 
I have a connection with the world I live in. There's something that binds me to things. 
We all have things to look forward to in life. Material and Philosophical.
Physical and the not-so-physical. 
Sometimes though, I look at myself and see nothing. No face, No identity, No existence whatsoever. Its like my mind wants me to not exist. 
Maybe my mind doesn't like what it sees and turns that image of what I am into Nothingness.

I hate being in limbo. My mind's clogged up when I'm in limbo. Words fail me, Emotions run away from me, Sleep eludes me, calm is repelled by me. I am a disgusting, snivelling, stinking creature nothing wants to come close to when I'm in limbo.

My insides scream for release from this unintentional, irrational imprisonment.
Yet, I make no effort to secure my release. 
My dark side relishes the confines I put on myself. It grins with malice upon seeing me writhe in agony, of being deaf and mute and numb.
Somedays I wonder what it'd be like, to give in to the darkness, to desert, give in.. give up?

Its an uphill battle on my best days, not giving in. Sometimes I do see the wisdom of submitting to the devil and crossing over.