How Will You Remember Me

Left listening to the sound,
Of a heart crushed to pieces,
A soul being ripped apart,
I stared too long at the door swiveling on its hinges.
When someone called my name,
I woke up with a start.
It seems to be a dream,
A dream too close to life,
Reality in the realm,
Where everything is obscured,
Where death courts life,
And Hades takes Persephone.

I wake up to find,
All the days turned into nights,
And yet is it the night that
Drives me to despair,
Or simply my oversight,
That put me in Misery’s lair.

And then I sail into the mist,
With Oizys as my guide,
And he who weilds my sails,
Is not within my sight.
seems eons have passed me hitherto,
And I stay glued to my post,
Watching with mild emotion,
Of the brightness fading in the sun.

And then my mighty captor,
Asks me what I am,
And I struggle to answer
The simplest question put to man.
I am the result of sordid games that Fate likes to play.
Wrong, pronounced He,
Of unspeakable tales.
He gave me a hint,
Fate didn’t have a role in my play.
And I grew so bold, as to put forth a whim,
As the wise bard said,
The world is all but a stage,
Leaving us all be but mere pretenders,
Pretending and acting for our gain,
More than the others.

Pretentious, my precious,
That’s what it all is.
But the question you’re supposed to answer,
Has answers deep within.
I pondered for so long,
That timelessness seemed the trend,
And there’s not a thought in my head
That seems to be my own.

And then I know the beast
That lurks behind my back,
The shadows that entice one moment
And are enticed the next,
That ignite one moment
And are ice the next,
That seduce one moment and
Abandon the next.
That beast has been my undoing.
That creature of darkness and shadows
Carrying hell for me in a box.

And as twilight blurs into night,
And night gives way to dawn,
My captor comes forth and tells me,
My day of reckoning has come.
I will be left drowning,
In the puddle of my fears,
Not enough to kill me, and
Not sufficient enough for me to bear.

And I open my eyes,
And look him in the eye,
The beast that sat on my shoulder.
And now I voice my unthought words,
Am I the person you think I am,
Or is it my destiny,
To look all over and never find,
The person I was supposed to be.

Do you think of me as,
The one who could have been?
Is it my nature that binds me
To the world that I haven’t seen
Or is it just Fate,
And I missed my cue to redeem.

What I want you to tell me,
Is what do you see,
When you look at me,
Am I just another life,
Wasted in the world.

Do you see what I feel,
When you look at me,
With that judgmental look
You bestow upon me.
Do you see me for who I am,
Or have my mistakes etched my destiny,
Too far beyond repair
Too late for me to care.

Just answer me this,
How will you remember me?

There and Back, Again!

I am not new, though it'll look to you, to be my first post, its not... I am deleting, posting, in a vicious circle of sorts. Some days, I feel terrible, so terrible; And not to mention destructive (not too destructive, evidently or else, I'd go and destroy something that proved, I'd been there and done that!). I destroy my own ideas, of what is, what is not; what should be and shouldn't have; and why and wherefores of my thoughts and the endless labrinthine roads they sometimes take.

Nor am I creative. I simply have too much to say. The problem is, I don't know words for what I want to say. Eventually I end up saying Things, I didnt even know I wanted to say. Or write. And On those destructive days, when I see proof of my wordlessnes, of my muteness; I destroy all evidence that it ever existed. The evidence of my, for lack of a better word(again!), Incompetence.

So, those who've read my words before, I am back at work!
and those who haven't, welcome to the chaos.